Fuzzy Meanings and Transgender Politics

(originally published on http://www.tgforum.com on August 15, 2016)

Chip Morningstar, inventor of the avatar, once said that all technical arguments are ultimately about the meanings of terminology. I think this applies to political arguments too.

Much of the controversy in transgender politics flows from an ambiguity in meaning of the word “transgender,” People become angry, even vicious over misunderstandings of this word.

The definition of transgender has changed multiple times since we started using the word in the 1970s. Right now, there are two widely invoked meanings. 1) a euphemism for transsexual, and 2) an umbrella term for all gender-variant people.

Things were simpler in the old days — the community was roughly divided into transvestites (TV), transsexuals (TS), drag queens (DQ), & FtMs. The term “transgender community” meant “all of the above.” Transsexuals were defined as those who undertook medical treatment and made a permanent switch of public gender identity. (In this article, I will keep using the term TS to designate this narrower class, and use the term GC (or gender community) to designate the umbrella term).

After TV and TS acquired sexual connotations, both groups have tried to rename their categories to something more neutral. Transvestites are now crossdressers, and transsexuals appropriated the word transgender for the same reasons.

So we have a word that changes meaning in context. One meaning describes a subset of the other meaning. People with deep knowledge of our community can usually tell which. It isn’t easy, because some TS people try to exclude the rest of the GC and really want the word transgender to only apply to them.

For the larger world, it is a hotbed of confusion. Two recent examples are the controversy about erotic motivations and the controversy over medical treatment of gender non-conforming children.

Erotic motivations are important for many in the gender community. Female-to-male people are very sexual, as are many drag queens and crossdressers. Some transsexuals are, yet others are not, to the point becoming angry when viewed in the erotic frame. Using the umbrella term when talking about sexuality blunders into this mine field. So does using the word transsexual, for the same reasons.

With children, the problem is that many of the younger children who express an interest in becoming the opposite sex do not go on to becoming TS. They become gay or lesbian, or a crossdresser, or leave things as they are. You want them to sort things out before making permanent changes.

If a child is TS (meaning destined to medically and socially transition), then having to wait is just more torture. The devil lies in figuring out which ones are TS.

If you claim a child that is transgender (using the TS meaning) in conversation with someone who thinks the word transgender means the broader gender community, it sounds like you are recommending something dangerous without thinking it through.

Some activists attack the “80% desistance rate” claim arguing that the studies used a looser inclusion criteria. Obviously a scheme that reliably determines which children will become TS should have a 0% desistance rate. While this may be possible with the “gender affirming” treatments now in fashion, it is too early to know for sure. Until then, the war will wage.

A Visit to a Trans Sex Party

(originally published in TGForum on September 12, 2016)

Word was that another transgender sex party would happen on Saturday. It had been a few months since the last one. I checked the fetlife.com website, read the invitation and sent a message to the organizer who then gave me the address.

The address was for an industrial building in the East Bay. I arrived around 7 p.m. and opened the door with two pink balloons on it.

There were big loudspeakers along one wall. The music is a combination of hip-hop and ‘pole dancing’ beats.

The dimly lit stage was about 20’ x 30’ and was covered with mattresses, futons, and people upon. I went to the opposite side where there were chairs and a curtain. I took off my pants and top, revealing a slip mini-dress with panties and thigh-high ‘stay-up’ nylons and looked over the crowd.

Many of the faces are familiar. I have been to sex parties before and there are many regulars. One stunning trans lady, then unknown, introduced herself and her friends. Others were new, around 50 men, women, and trans women of all ages and sizes. This party welcomes the “trans attracted” as well as the trans (others are more restricted).

A man is kneeling, going down on a trans girl with short femme hair, a ruffled bikini top, and nothing else. A black guy, endowed and naked scans the crowd. A lovely trans-girl was dressed in a stylized maid’s uniform. More oral and intercourse is happening on stage. A group of trans-women are pleasuring each other. The edge of the stage has piles of (mandatory) condoms, lube, towels, and a box of under-used whips and paddles — “dungeon furniture” being notably absent.

A man asks if it is okay to touch me and I let him feel me up for awhile. Later a friend tickles my fancy while we talk about model trains.

Most of the people are not doing anything particularly sexual — they hang out talking. There is a table with food mostly eaten and a few wine containers mostly empty. There is a long bathroom line and a smoking area outside.

After more friends come and go, I wander home, happy that there are so many trans girls that celebrate their sexuality.

Transgender sex parties happen all over the world. London has one (or more) each week. You find out about them by word-of-mouth or by looking on a fetish Internet site, as I did. You usually have to convince the organizer that you know the basics of sex party etiquette, which comes down to “ask first” and “take no thank you for an answer.” Most cities have a BDSM society, like the Society of Janus in San Francisco, which offer orientations. BDSM societies usually have a sub-group of sexually active trans people who can clue you in.

Gender In The Lab

(originally published in http://www.tgforum.com).

Gender Studies is not thought of as being a laboratory science. For me it is.

I work at a San Francisco start-up that operates a social networking site called FriendLife.com.  FriendLife is like Facebook except that we allow you to use the name of your choice and we focus on helping you find new friends rather than recruiting your existing friends. We also emphasize Life Streaming, which is the process of sending video from your phone or desktop to other members in real time.

Other companies do this too. We offered this before Meerkat and Periscope did. Facebook added this recently.

When you visit FriendLife, you view a “feed” similar to Facebook, showing posts from your friends. Included are invitations to view their LifeStreams. There is also a list of active LifeStreamers you can view, curated by our machine learning algorithms. We use hash tags and those figure in.

So where is the Gender Lab? It turns out FriendLife is a Gender Lab in itself. Gender is everywhere.

Girl LifeStreamers are very popular, drawing 20 times as many viewers as boys do. Like our competitors, we discourage “Cam Girls” or explicit electronic sex work. We have a team in Costa Rica that watches all the streams and flags the violators.

We pay a modest amount to our streamers. This leads to a competition to attract viewers and the girls push the limits and our content policies push back. We crack down on nudity and instead girls show more cleavage. We limit the amount of cleavage and the skirts get shorter. Its an eternal game.

Some girls act demure for several minutes waiting for the stream censors to move on and then push the edge. We tried to limit that by withholding payment for bad streams. If we think participation is trending-down, we may loosen up a bit to bring the numbers back up.

Some women join and try streaming and then get turned-off by the rude comments some men make. To reduce that, we tweak policies so as to avoid showing newbie women to men we think may act offensive. We also try and separate the racy from the prudish and the children from the adults and find that a few children will gladly lie about their age.

Men try LifeStreaming and become discouraged because the women get much more attention than men do. The exception is for boys who present as “Teen Idols.” These are boys who appeal to young girls who are just discovering their attraction to boys. Some of these boys get more viewers than our popular girls do.

Our recommendation engine uses a machine learning model that tries to predict which streams any particular viewer would be interested in based on their demographics, hash tag interests, and past behavior. A related model recommends new friends to follow. Like Facebook, we improve our model regularly and the actual details are a company

I use our streams as test data for the video distribution system. It is fascinating to see how boys and girls from different parts of the world reach out to each other. Some bore you to tears, others open your eyes. My favorites are well-illuminated women who talk and move around a lot appearing on marginal WiFi connections.

It’s fun working at FriendLife.

Jamie Faye Returns

Like many others, I had a blog going for a year or two in the early 2000s.

I stopped for awhile and went to Facebook.

Facebook is not a good place for publishing complex writings. Everything gets automatically pushed out of attention over time, so you are encouraged to write short paragraphs.

So now I try WordPress. We use it at Transgender Forum, however I need my own place for my own ideas.

There is a lot of stuff over on jamiefaye.com from my past that I won’t be moving over now. If you want to look back 12 to 22 years, visit http://www.jamiefaye.com.